from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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