there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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