ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
