A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
