we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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