I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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