I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
