so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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