party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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