Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
