anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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