textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
These tits shall not be calmed
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