if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
