Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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