I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
