Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
