:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
