i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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