fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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