You just made me feel so damn special
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
