did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
