How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
