It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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