Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
