I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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