Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
