If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's never too late to be topless.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
