he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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