I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
