my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
