the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
