So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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