I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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