We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
