and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
