I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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