I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
