So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
