Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
