nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
