Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
