$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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