Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
