I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
