At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just blew my weed a kiss
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
