I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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