I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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