I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
