Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
