I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cut my penus on the lid.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
