I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
