Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
